“There’s no way out. There’s no way to fix it. It’s just horrific to go through the labour process and… it’s for nothing really. It’s for nothing and it’s just going to cause you more pain,” begins 33-year-old Rea Liapis, with tears in her eyes.

She’s referring to how at 25 weeks pregnant she went into an early labour with the ominous words of her obstetrician ringing in her ears: “It’s likely your child will not survive this.”

She was right.

On March 3, 2012, Rea, who was 26 years old at the time, gave birth to a stillborn baby girl named Mia. The labour, she says, was ‘traumatic’ and something she and her husband Pat ‘haven’t been able to get over completely.’

“When Mia was born, she weighed only 600 grams. My doctor wrapped her up, put her on me and we held her… They were initially going to leave her in our room, but I was just so exhausted by the end of it, so they took her away,” Rea tells The Greek Herald exclusively.

“But when they brought her back the next morning, nicely wrapped and dressed in her little outfit, that was even more traumatic because she was so cold as they had her in the morgue overnight. So that in itself was a bit difficult.”

“Guilt comes from every angle”:

Heartbreaking stories such as Rea’s are sadly not uncommon in Australia. According to the Stillbirth Foundation Australia, a stillbirth, defined as the loss of a foetus from 20 weeks into the pregnancy, occurs six times a day in Australia. In fact, one in 135 births will be stillborn and the cause of many of these deaths will never be known.

Rea and her family belong to this category. Having never done a full autopsy on Mia, the cause of her death remains a mystery. Something which Rea says made her question everything she did during her pregnancy.

“The guilt is a really funny thing because it comes from every angle. It’s ‘did I do something wrong?’ or ‘what if I had been on bed rest?’,” Rea says sadly.

“I had bleeding from 13 weeks and it was nothing major, but the guilt was there as well because I thought, ‘if I had stayed in the hospital from the beginning, would anything have been different?’”

Add to this the internal conflict Rea and her husband felt when they discovered they were pregnant with their second daughter, Zara, within three months of the stillbirth. They later had a son, Sebastian, as well.

“It was extremely difficult to decide to go through it again because we had no answers. We were so scared. However, we actually became pregnant quite quickly a second time with Zara and my doctor was looking after me a lot more, checking in on me a lot and that created its own guilt,” Rea explains.

“Once Zara came along, and I’m so happy because I have this gorgeous, beautiful little girl, but when I think about Mia I do get upset because it’s not something that ever disappears.

“And if I think, ‘oh I wish Mia was here,’ the guilt comes back where it’s like, ‘yes but if you had her here, you wouldn’t have Zara.’ So then you feel guilty for missing her because had everything gone perfectly fine, I wouldn’t have Zara. So yeah, mum guilt is a funny thing.”

“Making it disappear doesn’t help”:

What’s not funny is the fact that stillbirth is still largely misunderstood and a taboo topic in today’s society.

In fact, Rea recognises that discussions around the issue have improved from the past where, according to a conversation she had with her grandfather, “no one spoke about it.”

“He said to me, ‘one day someone was pregnant and one day they weren’t. That was it. You just sort of buried the body and moved on. There were no names, nothing.’ So I think we’ve come a long way,” Rea says.

However, she adds that more still needs to be done because at the end of the day, acknowledging her stillbirth, and having others do the same, was the first step in her healing process.

“We had a proper burial and I think that helped me heal because it was more about understanding that she is my daughter and I didn’t want anyone to just fob it off as a miscarriage, which I think a lot of people do,” Rea explains.

“We’ve got some beautiful photos as well… and seeing them, you’re like ‘wow that’s a baby, they’re baby toes.’ So making her real and making people understand that it wasn’t just nothing was really instrumental in helping me feel better about the whole situation.”

And of course, having the wonderful support of her close family and friends also played an important role in mending her broken heart.

“If you’re going through this, it’s just important to have people around you and to understand that there’s nothing wrong with you. There’s nothing wrong with your child and there’s absolutely nothing wrong with feeling like they are your child because they are. Making it disappear doesn’t help,” Rea says.

Wise words from a woman who has clearly experienced her fair share of trauma which many of us couldn’t even begin to comprehend.

A few months after her arrival in Australia and assuming her duties as Consul of Greece in Perth, Western Australia, Ms Karasiotou speaks exclusively to The Greek Herald about her impressions so far, the contribution of Greek diaspora in shaping the identity of modern Greece, but also the goals set in relation to the strengthening and promotion of the Greek language.

1. You came to Australia at the beginning of the year, just before the pandemic hit the country. Tell us about the situation in Western Australia and how it has affected the operation of the consulate?

The first period in a new country and in a new place is a period of adaptation and acclimatisation. Although fortunately I had some time during the first two months to make some appointments, attend events and meet people and things in Western Australia, this journey was abruptly interrupted, quite early, by the unprecedented situation we are experiencing.

The pandemic forced us to cancel all our events, with the first celebrations of March 25, while the planned visit of Deputy Foreign Minister Mr. Vlasis to Australia was postponed as you know, when the borders gradually began to close. The Consulate in Perth, like the rest of our Consulates in Australia and around the world, was closed to the public for about two months, while we had to assist in the safe return of our fellow citizens to Greece.

On a personal level, the constraints of the pandemic helped us to settle down faster in our new home and to spend more time with the children in the new environment. On the other hand, of course, my three-year-old son thought this was what life was like in Australia – closed playgrounds, shops and no social contact – and he wanted to go back!

Fortunately, Western Australia has done very well in curbing the spread of the coronavirus, a fact that has allowed the phasing out since mid-May, even earlier than in other states. So we started serving the public again from the middle of May, while we organised, literally at the last minute, a small, modest and unofficial wreath-laying ceremony for the anniversary of the Battle of Crete and the Pontian Genocide, to which both Australian officials and representatives of the Greek community here responded positively (it should be noted that at that time there was a restriction of 20 people in public gatherings).

Since then, Western Australia is gradually returning to a new “normality,” during which the whole community is slowly returning to its normal activities.

RELATED: Perth commemorates 79th anniversary of the Battle of Crete in private ceremony.

2. Tell us about your career in the diplomatic service.

I passed the exams for the Diplomatic Service of the Greek Ministry of Foreign Affairs in 2007. After completing my training at the Diplomatic Academy, I served in Ministry Directorates in Athens until the spring of 2009, when I was transferred to Brussels to represent Greece in Europe. I spent five and a half very “full” years in Brussels from a professional point of view. My stay there coincided with the management of the Greek debt crisis, on the one hand, but also with the Greek Presidency of the Council of the EU, on the other. It was a period with a lot of work and minimal personal time, from which, however, I learned a lot.

I returned to Athens in the autumn of 2014 and worked in various Directorates of the Central Office, including the Diplomatic Office of the Deputy Minister of European Affairs during the refugee crisis. In the meantime I took two personal “breaks” when I had my two children, during which we lived as a family in Rotterdam, the Netherlands, where my husband worked.

At the end of last year we all came together in Perth to take over the Consulate, which is a completely different professional object for me, but this is also the challenge and the beauty of our work.

3. Is this your first time in Australia? What do you think?

Yes, it is my first time and my impressions so far are very good. Australia is a country geographically very far from Europe but very close in mentality. It offers quality of life, especially for families, while it also has an impressive natural beauty. I look forward to exploring it as much as I can as soon as circumstances allow.

4. How do you see Hellenism here and what has impressed you?

The size of Australia’s Hellenism is impressive at first, despite the distance from Greece. As for Western Australia in particular, for which I am slowly forming the same opinion, the Greek community here, although smaller than those on the east side, is well integrated, networked and very active in the economic, political and cultural life of the state. and not only. During the first meetings I had with the Governor, the State Premier and other local actors, everyone spoke to me with the warmest words about the Greek community.

5. We hear that Greece has opened its borders to Australians. But Australians cannot go to Greece. Are there any diplomatic moves to reach a bilateral travel agreement in the near future?

The decision to gradually open our borders to tourists from third countries, including Australia, was taken jointly with our European Union partners, was well weighted and studied and is under constant review, depending on the epidemiological data. In this unprecedented situation we live in, every country does what it considers best to protect its public health and economy, and balancing the two is not always easy.

Greece and Australia participate in a group of seven countries, which have successfully managed the health crisis and the relevant communication takes place at the highest level, at the level of Prime Ministers. I am sure that when the conditions allow, the appropriate arrangements will be made in order to remove all obstacles to travel between the two countries.

6. What are your goals for your term in Australia?

Due to the pandemic that stopped our activity, I would say that I am still in the process of acclimatisation, at which time my goals are being formed. Certainly, of course, I have begun to form a picture of situations and needs, so I first realise that this side of Australia and its Hellenism are less known in Greece than Melbourne, Sydney, etc.

I would therefore like to contribute to the better acquaintance and increase of contacts between Greece and Western Australia, through economic, cultural, educational and other exchanges. The greater, also, promotion and strengthening of the Greek language, culture and modern Greece in Hellenism, mainly of the third and fourth generation, is a permanent goal and I hope to contribute to it as much as possible. Next year’s milestone of 200 years since the Greek Revolution is, I believe, a good opportunity in this direction.

7. We are very close to 2021 and the 200th anniversary of the Greek War of Independence. What are you planning for this anniversary?

The health crisis, as it was inevitable, also affected the planning of the celebrations of the 200th anniversary of the Greek Revolution. Recently, the Deputy Foreign Minister, Mr Konstantinos Vlasis, together with the Chairman of the Committee “Greece 2021” Ms. Gianna Angelopoulou-Daskalaki sent a letter-invitation to Greeks around the world inviting them to participate in the celebrations. In this context, I met, during the previous period, with representatives of the Greek community of Western Australia and we exchanged some first thoughts and ideas for the time.

In addition to the usual celebrations organised by the Consulate each year, i.e. the reception and the laying of wreaths for the anniversary of March 25, there are expected to be festive anniversary events throughout the year. The aim is to have communication and consultation between all stakeholders, which could be facilitated by the establishment of a Steering Committee, so that the planned activities can be included and projected into a comprehensive Western Australia program. More specific steps will be taken in the near future.

8. What is your message to the Greeks of Australia?

Having lived for a long time outside of Greece, although in a different way, I know that no matter how far away we are, Greece is always in our hearts. Modern Greece owes its very existence to the Greeks of the Diaspora. 

The Greeks of Australia, maintaining and preserving the love for the homeland, play a dual role: on the one hand, you feed with your experience from here the shaping of the modern face of our country and on the other hand, you promote and love the Greek element here, thus contributing to the deepening of Greek-Australian friendship.

We need you and we always want you near us. The Greek Consulate in Perth, like the rest of our Consulates in Australia, is always at your disposal for anything you need.